


I've Been Keeping Secrets From My Heart And From My Soul

by ONegaTIVE



Category: hiddlesworth - Fandom
Genre: Actor Chris Hemsworth, Actor Tom Hiddleston, Best Friends, Dreams, Dreams about cheating, F/M, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, More tags later, Relationship Problems, Seriously it's almost 5 AM here and I'm still awake, help me, in the closet, secret feelings, why am i like this
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-12
Updated: 2017-07-14
Packaged: 2018-12-01 03:01:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11477238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ONegaTIVE/pseuds/ONegaTIVE
Summary: Chris has always had feelings for his best friend Tom, but wouldn't admit it to himself. Years later now married with 3 kids, and a rising career, Chris keeps having dreams about Tom, and he and Elsa are fighting a lot.After one particular fight, Chris calls up Tom and after a movie and a few drinks, The Aussie's drunken confessions lead to their friendship becoming something far more than they ever dreamed of.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm a little bummed that Companion isn't as popular as My Chosen (in retrospect, Companion it isn't turning out the way I imagined it would), so Companion may go bye bye, but idk.
> 
> This was inspired by a great Hiddlesworth Affair fic by Ellurian, I'm A Sinner, I'm A Dreamer (Haven't finished it yet, but I'm bummed that there aren't that many affair fics in the Hiddlesworth ship, but that particular one, I like it :).)
> 
> Title inspired by Lover to Lover by Florence + the Machine. (Coming up with a title was a BITCH, and now I finally have one!!)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life after Chris and Elsa get married.

 

> _**And I've been taking chances** _  
>  _**I've been setting myself up for the fall** _  
>  _**And I've been keeping secrets** _  
>  _**From my heart and from my soul** _
> 
> _**\- Lover To Lover (Florence + the Machine)** _

 

* * *

 

He doesn't know where it started, or what encouraged it. Maybe it started when he first met Tom back in 2009 before they started filming for Thor. He first met him in Kenneth Branagh's house in England. 

They went for a swim in his pool, and he remembered only knowing the Brit for an hour or so, they were having fun, and at one point he turned to Tom and asked "Can you believe this is happening?"

Tom grinned and said "No. No I can't."

Chris loves his smile. Whether it's small with no teeth, or full on dorky grin, he's always loved Tom's smile. So sweet and warm, if the Aussie was having a bad day, even thinking of the Brit's smile made it all better.

Sometimes he feels guilty thinking about another person's smile, and not his wife's. Not that Elsa has a bad smile, she has a beautiful smile. But sometimes it's not enough to make Chris' day like Tom's would. Sometimes he feels guilty about it, sometimes he doesn't.

His connection with Tom was instant, just like that and with Elsa, it was the same thing. Except he didn't marry Tom after just a few months of dating.

He married Elsa the day after Christmas in 2010 during a holiday with their families on the island of Sumba in Indonesia. They met in early 2010 when William Ward, the talent agent that discovered Chris, introduced them. And from that point, Chris had always thought that they "just made sense" as a couple from the moment they first met. 

To this day, they still agree they should have put a little more thought into planning their wedding, the idea just fell on them, but thankfully, it all worked out.

And in almost 7 years, he's gotten a beautiful daughter and two beautiful twin boys, and still has his beautiful wife out of it. Also his career has skyrocketed since his very first roles and since _Home and Away_ , he's made some great friends, everything is perfect...It should be, right?

But sometimes, he feels like there's something missing. With all the roles he's done recently, with _Thor: Ragnarok_ nearly done, and being a dad of 3 and trying to keep up with his kids, it's taken a toll on the Aussie, physically and emotionally. He's exhausted. He and Elsa have recently been arguing a lot. They don't do that often, but it's starting to look that way now. 

Then his thoughts drift to Tom. _Tom._ They've grown so close since they first did Thor, and Chris is so grateful that he and Tom just clicked so easily.

He once got on the subject of Tom and he said "Sometimes you get lucky and you have good chemistry, you know." And he's never doubted that.

Tom is a very down to earth person, he's so sweet. He must have no idea how good of a person he is, Chris can trust him with anything, and knows he can talk to him about anything.

He sometimes makes these self-deprecating jokes about himself, and Chris would always say different. Someone as great and beautiful at Tom, shouldn't take themselves too seriously like that.

He'll admit that sometimes before he and Elsa started dating, he would casually flirt with Tom. Get a little closer to him if they were next to each other, threw certain looks at him, touches lingered, he just hoped that Tom picked up on that back then. And he did, because he did the same things.

It excited Chris and he started seeing his friend differently than he did before. And even after 7 years of being married, he still sees him the way he did back then. Sometimes he feels guilty about that too, and sometimes, well more recently, he doesn't. 

So maybe Chris has got it figured out. He is about 95% sure his dreams about Tom started sometime after they met. Some of them were normal, random, nothing wrong about that. But the rest of them are and have been sexual. 

It's not like Chris prays to have dreams of having sex with one of his dearest friends, they just... _Happen._ Somehow Elsa doesn't notice. When she's out, she's out, she must be in another _dimension_ when she's passed out.

At first he felt incredibly guilty about when they started turning sexual. Especially when he would wake up rock hard and fussy from being turned on. Elsa sometimes takes advantage of Chris' morning wood, even if he would rather jerk himself off thinking about whatever dream with Tom, but sometimes, he doesn't care and they would end up having a morning romp in bed.

But if she knew that it wasn't always her that would be the reason he's turned on or that he dreams about Tom instead of her, she would probably never speak to him again, he would end up divorced and only get to see his kids every weekend. And for that, he feels really guilty about not getting a hold on what he dreams about late at night. But he also doesn't. And for that, he must be a huge asshole then.

 

* * *

 

He woke up around 4 with a growing hard on, and wasn't really in the mood for a morning fuck. He slowly looked over at Elsa, and she was out of it. But he still slowly untangled himself from her, and slowly tip toed to their bathroom, slowly closing the door as quietly as he could. 

Thankfully, he didn't need to piss just yet. So he quickly locked the door, pulled his cock out of his briefs, and got to work.

This dream felt really vivid. He dreamt that Tom came over one day and it must have been a holiday or something, because his family and Elsa's were there. And at one point while everyone was in the living room, Chris was fucking Tom in the kitchen. He kept a hand clamped over his mouth, bent him over the counter of the island with their pants and underwear pooled around their ankles.

While it was going on, they tried not to make too much noise, but Tom was getting fucked good. It was quick, the idea of taking time nonexistent for this situation, just desperate for release.

Even if it was a dream, it felt so real. And he felt like an even bigger asshole for jerking off to the thought of fucking his best friend in the kitchen while his fucking family, Elsa's family, anyone could just merrily waltz in any time and be caught _literally_ with their pants down.

But he can't control what he dreams about, he goes to sleep, waits, and dreams happen, that's it. But the whole idea of it all sent a thrill down his spine, the idea of being caught

Soon he chewed on his bottom lip to keep from whimpering as he came, coating his hand and the rest aimed at the toilet. When he was done, he washed his hand, cleaned up whatever mess was left, and stood there for a few minutes. He flushed the evidence and quietly tip toed back into bed, hoping he wouldn't be hard again when he wakes up again later. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom. Let's hang out.

He didn't dream after that, which disappointed him a little. When he woke up, he was on his stomach, face turned to the side. He's gonna have a hell of a crick in his neck later. He groaned and carefully moved onto his back, opening his eyes. 

He felt the bed empty next to him and sighed. Usually if Elsa wasn't next to him, she'd leave a note, even if she was still in the house, but there wasn't one. There hasn't been one for the past few weeks, cause of the fighting.

They've been fighting over a lot of stupid things recently. About money, about the kids, about Chris acting, going to work, coming home tired, sore. Sometimes it's about sex, about how she never does anything but stay home, take care of the kids, about how her acting career is basically dead and how she's only known for being his wife, it's insane. He _especially_ hates it when they fight in front of the kids or in public. Chris tries to avoid it, but Elsa likes to get spontaneous.  

Ever since they started filming for _Ragnarok_ , they rented a flat in Brisbane to be closer to their current set, moved in, and they fought about that. He's just happy that Tom rented a flat about 20 minutes away from their flat so he could be closer to the set and so they could hang out.

Sometimes he secretly likes when the argue. Not cause of the makeup sex, but when it ends with them not having sex at all, and Chris gets to greet the couch like an old friend. He feels like an asshole about that, especially when he gets excited to dream about Tom. If they argue in the dreams, Chris can't wait to turn him into a writhing mess. 

Sometimes he thinks they should go to a marriage counselor, but running that idea by her would more than likely just cause more fights. Maybe he might just go see a therapist without telling Elsa. That would lead to another fight, but it's just talking to a shrink, it's not like he's cheating on her...But he's cheating on her with dream Tom. Speaking of which.

 

* * *

 

Tom groaned as he felt his vertebrae pop. But he needed it, and he is so glad he discovered Yoga. It's really made a difference and it's relaxing. And he's happy he taught Chris all he knew, cause it's funny trying to watch Chris get into some awkward and compromising poses. He's had to help him get unstuck from a couple of them. 

With all the stunts and moving they do, they need it. They're still sore either way, but it eases some tension. He just got out of Halasana, when his phone rang. He groaned and got off his Yoga mat and when he picked it up, he saw it was Chris.

He smiled and answered, putting it up to his ear. "Hey Chris, what's up?"

Chris said "Hey! How are you Mate? Whatcha up to?" He could almost hear the smile in his voice. He's so happy that Chris is his best friend. He can't imagine anyone else as his best friend and he's so grateful he got chosen to be Loki instead of Thor.

God he still cringes at the memory of him trying to to audition for the role of Thor. And when he got picked for Loki, he was glad to spend so much time researching for Loki. But Chris has been nothing but great to Tom ever since they first met. Chris makes him better and he hopes he does the same for him. He's happiest when he's around Chris.

The Brit said "Oh nothing much, at home. Was in the middle of Yoga."

The Aussie said "Oh shit, sorry 'bout that, Mate. I can let you finish and call back later-"

"No, no, it's alright. I think I'm Yoga'd out for the day anyways. What's up?"

"Well I was wondering if maybe you and I could hang out or something, maybe I can come over to your place, watch a film, if that's okay?"

Every time the Aussie comes over, or is around Tom, the Brit feels like a giddy schoolboy with the hots for his hunky teacher. He feels guilty about it sometimes since Chris is married to a beautiful woman and 3 beautiful children. But it's even worse when in those moments, he doesn't care, and it excites him even more.

He smiled and said "Yeah yeah, sounds great. You and Elsa not doing anything with the kids today?" 

He mentally kicked himself for bringing Elsa up. He's confided in the Brit, telling him about their problems. And being the good friend he is, he knows not to tell anyone else and tries not bring it up all the time. But he's glad Chris trusts him enough to tell him stuff like that, and hasn't told anyone else. Chris knows he could trust Tom with his life, and it's the same for Tom.

The Aussie said "Nah, I don't think so. I'm sure she'll be alright with it, it's only you, Mate." That's true. Elsa adores Tom, and is perfectly fine with their relationship.

 _Relationship_. If only. It"s no secret how Tom feels about Chris. Everyone else, all his friends, fans and whatnot, just think they have an epic bromance. His sisters and his mother think differently, mainly his mother. A mother knows, after all.

He wonders if Chris feels the same. He's sure he did all those years ago, before he met Elsa. They used to flirt, playfully egg each other, touches lingered, he thought they would go the next step soon and end with Chris naked in his bed. But then he met Elsa, and he realized that wasn't gonna happen. But a guy can dream, right?" 

Tom nodded and said "Oh, okay. Anything particular you'd like to watch?"

Chris said "Yeah um...That one movie you were in...The Vampire one, uh...Shit, I can never remember the name of it-"

Tom chuckled and asked _"Only Lovers Left Alive?"_

"Yeah! That one! I like that one. You have it with you? If not, I got my own copy."

 _He what?_ Tom smiled and asked "You do?"

"Yeah, I like it, you were great in it! So how 'bout it, Mate? Sound good? If not, I can pick something else."

Tom's smile grew and said "No, no...It sounds wonderful. What time will you be over?"

"An hour or so. See you in a bit, yeah?"

The Brit said "Yeah. See ya. Bye Chris."

"Bye Tom." And he hung up.

Tom never knew he watched _OLLA_. Not that he could remember. They watch each others movies all the time, laugh at funny parts of theirs, compliment each other or say different if the other is being self deprecative. But he can't recall him watching that one.

But that doesn't matter because Chris is coking over to hang out, and Tom needs a shower. He doesn't stink or wasn't sweating, but he wants to smell good if he was gonna have Chris Hemsworth sitting right next to him. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Movie time. Before Chris left.

After Tom got cleaned up, he tidied up some and waited. He couldn't sit still the whole time he was waiting, but told himself to calm down. But he couldn't.

His insanely gorgeous, best friend whose married, and whom he's been hopelessly in love with for about 7 years, is coming over. And he'll be alone with him. Watching a movie. No pressure. 

After some time there was a knock on the door. He took a deep breath before letting it out, and stood up. He walked to the front door and with shaky hands he opened it, revealing his dear friend. 

Chris wasn't smiling but as soon as his gorgeous eyes landed on the Brit, his face just lit up, full grin, and he said "Hey! It's great to see you!" 

Tom smiled and said "Chris, you saw me a few days ago." 

The Aussie chuckled and said "I know, but it's always great to see you, Mate. Can't blame me for that, can you?" 

The Brit shook his head and said "No, I guess I can't. Come in." Chris smoked and stepped inside, holding a movie case in one hand. As soon as Chris closed the front door behind him, he pulled Tom into a hug.

Tom is used to his hugs. Whether they were quick ones, long ones, bear hugs, he was used to them. But this one was different. He quickly pulled Tom against him and held him like he thought he just lost him forever. 

This surprised Tom, and asked " _Oh!_...Chris, are you okay?" Slowly hugging him back, rubbing his hand in between his shoulder blades. Chris hugged him just a little tighter, and buried his face in the crook of his neck. 

They fell silent and after a minute or so, the Brit heard the softest "I don't know, Tom." 

Tom was about to answer, but Chris broke the hug and smiled. He said "C'mon, let's get this thing going." As if nothing happened. 

 

* * *

 

After he called Tom up, he found Elsa in the kitchen. India was propped up on her hip, and Tristan and Sasha were sitting in their high chairs. 

Chris walked in and said "Morning Babe." Walking up to her and pecking her on the lips. 

She said "Good morning. How'd you sleep, _Mi Amor?_ "

He said "Eh, alright, I guess. My neck hurts a little bit, slept on it wrong. Morning Princess." Leaning in to kiss India.

She smiled and said "Good morning, Papa!" 

Then he went over and kissed the boys good morning. Elsa smile said "Someone's happy this morning. What's up with you?"

Chris shrugged and said "Nothing. Thinkin' about going over to Tom's and watch something. That okay with you?"

Elsa's smile wavered a little and she said "Oh...Yeah, that sounds alright, I guess."

Chris frowned a little. She's never had a problem with him hanging out with Tom. He asked "Something wrong?"

She shrugged and said "No, it's just...I thought it would be nice if you and I did something, or...Something." 

Chris nodded and said "Okay...Okay sure, what do you wanna do?"

She sighed and said "No no, I know you wanna go to Tom's. Go ahead and go, it's alright." Sitting India down on the edge of the counter. 

The Aussie said "No, if you wanna do something with me, we can do something. But you've never had a problem with me hanging out with Tom."

She said "Right, and I still don't. But you've been hanging around each other a lot lately-"

He chuckled and said "Babe, with working on _Ragnarok_ and with _Avengers: Infinity War_ , of course we're gonna be around each other a lot."

She sighed and said "I guess you're right. But lately it seems like you like hanging out with him more than with me or the kids. You do remember you have those, don't you?"

 _Oh she did not just say that_. He clenched his jaw and said "Yeah, I know I have a wife and kids. And I love them all very much. But at least Tom and I don't fight."

She put her hands on her hips and asked "Oh really? Well then if you love him so much, why don't you marry him then?"

 _Maybe I should've,_ he thought. But when he watched her eyes get wide and her jaw dropped, he realized he must've said it out loud. She stepped closer, grumbling at him in Spanish, and he slowly backed up. 

She said "Alright, fine. Go running off to your little boyfriend then, here, be sure you give this to him!" pulling off her wedding ring and throwing it at him before storming out of the kitchen.

Chris sighed and picked it up off the ground before following her. "Elsa. Elsa! Babe, come on, I didn't mean it!" He kinda did, but didn't mean to say it out loud. 

He followed her upstair to their room and she said "Oh I'm sure you didn't."

The Aussie said "I didn't, I didn't mean it. Look Honey, I don't wanna fight with you again-"

"Then go over to his place so we don't fight. It's alright, go."

Chris opened his mouth to say something, but closed it. He sighed and walked over to the night stand, slammed her ring down on it, grabbed some clothes, and headed to the shower without another word.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Watching the movie, Depressed Chris, and some drunken confessions.

Tom knew there was something very off with Chris. Ever since the hug and when he said he didn't know if he was okay, and the fact that he hasn't said a word since they put in the movie. 

Every so often Tom would look over at the Aussie, his eyes glued to the screen. When it showed him and Tilda naked in bed, he felt his cheeks heat up. Even if it didn't shoe anything with Tom on his side and his leg shifted, he was still naked. When he looked over at Chris, he was smiling. That made his cheeks get even hotter.

 

* * *

 

After the movie was over, Tom took the DVD out and put it back in the case. When he sat back down he sighed and said "Alright Chris. What's going on?"

The Aussie turned to him and asked "What do you mean?"

The Brit gave him a look and said "Christopher, you've known me long enough to know I know when something is wrong. The way you hugged me earlier, and what you said, come on. What's going on? You know you can tell me anything, I won't judge you." 

After that, they sat in silence. A few minutes went by until Chris spoke. "Elsa and I fought again today...She got mad cause I wanted to come over here...I said something, she threw her wedding ring at me, and I just got ready and came over."

Tom nodded and asked "What did you say to her?"

Chris sighed and said "Well...She got talking about how much we've been spending a lot of time together, cause of filming and just hanging out, and.." He chuckled and said "She told me that I must like hanging out with you more than with her or the kids. And asked "You do remember you have those, don't you?"." 

Tom's jaw dropped and his eyes went wide. He said "She didn't."

Chris nodded and said "Yeah, she did. And I told her that I love her and love the kids and said at least with you, you and I don't fight...Except for when we're shooting a scene, but other than that, you and I don't fight."

Tom nodded and said "Wow...What did she say after that?"

The Aussie cleared his throat and said "Well, she said "Oh really? Well then if you love him so much, why don't you marry him then?"

"And what did you say?" 

He looked up at him and said "I said "Maybe I should've."...Didn't mean to say it out loud, but it just...slipped out. But I thought I had said it in my head."

 _Wait, what?_ Did Tom hear that right? He studied the Aussie's face, trying to find any indication that he was joking. He didn't seriously say he should've married him instead of her to her face, right?

He can usually tell if Chris was lying or joking, he's known him long enough to know certain looks that would give it away, but there wasn't any of that on his face. He was serious.

Tom turned towards him more and asked "You...You're joking?"

Chris shook his head and said "I'm not."

 _Oh my God_ , Tom thought. He opened his mouth to speak, but nothing would come out. He just felt his face get hotter and hotter and sensing that he just made a huge mistake, the Aussie said "Hey um...You got any beer or-"

Tom quickly said "Oh um, yeah, I do." Before getting up to head to the kitchen. As soon as he got there, he out a hand over his heart. He went over to the counter and put his back to it. 

 _I'm dreaming_ , he thought. _This can't be happening. He is a married man, he has children. And he just told me he should've married me instead of his wife. But he was angry, he wasn't thinking. He wouldn't mean it._

Remembering the beer, he quickly opened the fridge, and grabbed a couple from the case and headed back into the living room. He handed it to him and Chris said "Thanks, Mate." 

The Brit nodded and they drank quietly. Tom only had 1, while Chris was almost done with his 3rd. Chris wasn't much of a drinker, but he had his days. He'd work the beer off tomorrow, cause they have some scenes to shoot the day after.

Tom's seen him drunk, he's usually pretty chill. Or like a big Golden Retriever, All bubbly and happy, it's adorable. But even for a man built like a brick shithouse, he's a bit of a lightweight.

After he finished his 3rd bottle, he set it down on the coffee table and sighed. He said "I feel...Sooooooo good right now, Mate...Makes me wish I'd get drunk every day...But I can't, cause I have these...Little human...People, uh-"

"Kids?" 

The Aussie grinned and said "Yeah, those! They need me to...Do stuff for 'em, so I can't do this all the time."

The Brit nodded and said "That, and you have a wife and a career." 

Chris nodded and said "Yeah...I am the God of Thunder!...Whose wife haaates him.." Pouring while slumping further in his seat.

Tom scooted closer to him and said "Hey, don't say that. She doesn't hate you, she loves you."

He nickered like a horse and said "Yeah, right...Honestly?....Sometimes I thiiink she only likes me so she'd get noticed...Since her acting career is basically-" he made a raspberry and started cackling before saying "Down the ollllleee rabbit hole now, she needs me to shine bright again or whatever. a know, there's been times where we're at a thing and as soon as the cameras are off of us, she pretends I don't exist. But she's all lovey when they're on us, though...Makes me sad..."

He pouted again and then next thing the Brit knows, he's got a head on his lap. He groaned and said "She hates me, Tommy. I love her, but...I don't know what to do anymore..."

Tom nodded and gently patted his head and asked "Well...What do you think you should do?"

He shrugged and turned onto his side, facing towards Tom's crotch. Tom's breath hitched and he swallowed, squirming a little. The drunken Aussie wasn't phased by it, and curled into a ball.

He said "I thought about a marriage counselor, but pfft...That would be another fight...A divorce, well...It would just be a nightmare, and I don't wanna do that to the kids, they need us, and I need my babies. They're my babies, and I love 'em."

Tom smiled and said "I know you do." Going from patting his head to gently petting his hair. "And you're a great dad."

Chris looked up at him and smiled. He asked "I am? You really mean that?"

The Brit nodded and said "Of course I do."

Chris grinned and said "Thank you...You're the best, Tommy."

Tom smiled and Chris said "I mean it...Do you...Do you even know how great you are, Tom?"

The Brit chuckled and the Aussie said "No don't laauugh, I mean iiiit...You're the greatest guy I know...I love you, Mate."

Tom felt his heart flutter and he swallowed. He said "I love you too, Man." 

They fell silent for a few minutes when Chris asked "Tom?"

"Hmm?"

Chris stared up at him like he was thinking. Then he asked "You know when um...When I told Elsa that I wish I married you, instead?"

The Brit nodded and Chris sat up. Tom was about to say something when Chris leaned in and his lips were on his. Tom's eyes went wide and he was frozen. He could taste the beer on his breath and remained frozen as Chris kissed him a couple of times before pulling back. He gently pressed his forehead against the Brit's and muttered "I meant it." Falling back onto his lap after that before passing out. And by the tone of his voice, he really did mean that.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chris sobers up some. Giving in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And just so everyone knows, I have no beef with Elsa. This is just a story, and I don't have any problem with her, no matter if people call her a Fame whore and only married Chris to further herself, I hear that all the time, but I got no beef with her. I don't care. If she makes Chris happy, okay, that's good. But this is just a FICTIONAL STORY, so if anyone wants to open fire on me, okay, whatever. But this is just fiction.

Tom was freaking out. Chris kissed him, he let him drink his beer, let him lie on his lap and sat there and let him kiss him. He must've led him on, and his best friend whose married with 3 kids, kissed him. 

He carefully moved Chris off of his lap, stood up, and gently laid him back down. He didn't wake him thankfully, he just adjusted himself into a more comfortable position and snored. 

He headed to his bedroom, closed the door behind him, and dropped down onto his bed. He sighed and laid down trying to figure out what to do next. He's had so many dreams about Chris, and he's felt guilty about it.

But _God_ , he's never had better dreams. Even if he wakes up hard and feeling like a total pervert for thinking of his best friend in such a way, but he can't help it. Even when he beats off or fucks himself with his fingers to the thought of him, he can't help it. But Chris kissed him. He was drunk and upset, that's the only reason why.

He's asleep now so he might not even remember it when he wakes up. He won't mention it to him, Chris will go home, and he'll pretend this never happen. Part of him doesn't want that.

 

* * *

 

Three hours later, Chris stirred. Tom went to the kitchen when he heard the Aussie groan. He looked back and watched as Chris slowly sat up, holding his head. He hunched over and groaned again. "Tom?" 

Tom walked in and chuckled saying "Good morning Starshine, the Earth says hello." 

The Aussie rubbed his face and asked "Ughhh what time is it?"

Tom checked on his phone and said "Just after 3:30. You've been our for 3 hours. You okay?"

Chris shook his head and said "Not sure. Can I have some water, please?" Tom nodded and went back in the kitchen, coming back with a glass of water and 2 Ibuprofen. Chris thanked him and downed them, setting the glass down on the table before sitting back. 

He looked up at the Brit and asked "What happened?"

 _You kissed me_ , he thought. He swallowed and said "You were a little out of it. After just 3 beers." He chuckled and said "You really are a lightweight, man." 

Chris said "Shut up." And Tom just laughed. He went and sat next to the Aussie, leaning forward.  He wanted to ask if he could remember anything, but he was afraid to ask. He was afraid of upsetting him if he did remember anything and then not speak to him ever again or see him differently. But he had to know.

The Brit looked down at his hands and asked "Do you...Do you remember anything?" Chris looked up and was thinking. He sighed and said "Well...I was talking about Elsa...I think I fell asleep on your lap, can't be sure-" then he stopped, realizing something. _Shit._ He watched as the Aussie swallowed and he looked at Tom.

His blue eyes were filled with fear and he asked "Did I kiss you?" Tom wanted to lie. Say no, but he knew Chris would be able to see right through him.

So he nodded and said "Yeah." 

Chris groaned and said "Fuck. Did I do anything else?" Running his fingers through his hair.

Tom nodded and said "You told me you meant it when you told Elsa you wished you married me instead." _Here it comes. Get ready_ , he thought. Chris just looked at him and Tom spoke. "Look Chris, I'm not mad at you about what happened, and I don't want you to freak out, but I just...I'm really worried about you. And I don't want you to get hurt-"

Chris stopped him by leaning in and kissing him again. He could still taste the beer. Tom pulled back shocked and said "Chris...You're married. I-I can't do this to you-"

The Aussie didn't listen. He kissed him again, gently cupping the back of his neck. He pulled back and Tom fought not to crumble. _Bad. This is very bad._ The Brit shook his head and said "I can't..I can't, I'm sorry-"

God, the look on his face when he said that. He looked so tired, depressed. He needed Tom, but he couldn't ruin everything for him. But seeing that look, just killed him. He's never seen him like this, and he couldn't hurt him like that.

The Aussie nodded and quietly said "I understand. I'll just-" just as he stood up, but Tom grabbed hold of his wrist. He worried he was holding on too tight, so he loosened his grip so he wouldn't hurt him.

Chris looked at his wrist and then at Tom before Tom swallowed. He slowly stood up and had to look up at him a little. _What are you doing Tom??_

They just stared at each other for a minute until Tom gently brought his hands up, holding the other mans face in his hands. _Don't do this, Thomas!! He's married! You'll ruin everything!!_ But those thoughts pushed out of his head when he leaned in and kissed him.

Chris didn't kiss back at first, but after slowly winding his arms around his neck and kissed him a couple times, he responded. The Aussie's hands slowly rested on his hips and kissed him back.

They stood there, lips slowly moving, tongues meeting, and when Tom pulled back to kiss down at his jaw, Chris pushed him away a little. 

A heavy weight fell onto his chest and he braced himself for rejection, until Chris brought his hands to the hem of his shirt, crossing his wrists before pulling it over his head.

Tom will never get used to seeing him shirtless. Every time he's seen him in a tank, a muscle shirt, or no shirt at all, it made his heart race. The Aussie let his shirt drop to the floor and sat down on the couch before looking up at him. He crooked his finger at the Brit and Tom moved.

When he stood in from of him, he swung his leg over his lap, slowly straddling him before sitting down. Chris' hands went back to his hips, moving to rest on his ass.

Tom's lips went straight back to his, kissing harder than before. Chris sighed against his mouth and kissed back with the same pressure, until Tom pulled back. He watched as the Brit leaned back, his turn to pull his shirt off before going back in. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The sex will be a memory in the next chapter, it won't be in this one.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After.

As soon as they had gotten on that couch, they never got off it. After they were done, Chris went and took a shower, leaving Tom naked on the couch. 

He did it. He just ruined Chris' marriage. Now he's gonna hate Tom, Elsa's gonna kill him, he's ruined everything. All so he wouldn't see his best friend in pain anymore and to fufill his own selfish desires.

When Chris came out wearing the same clothes he came in with, he went and let Tom take a shower. He closed the door behind him and sighed, letting his forehead hit the wood with a small _'thump.'_ He closed his eyes and stood there for a minute, before turning to head to the shower.

He turned the knob and waited for it to heat up, hoping to soothe his aching muscles. When it was up to his liking, he stepped in and drew the curtain.

He got to work letting the hot water run all over his skin before grabbing his soap. Chris must've used it, but he didn't mind. He just hopes he'll have a very good reason for why he smells like Tom's soap when he gets home. He doesn't know if his clothes smell like the beer, but he wasn't about to sniff at them. 

After washing his hair, he stood under the stream and thought back to what they just did.

 

* * *

 

When Chris came out wearing the same clothes he came in with, he went and let Tom take a shower. He closed the door behind him and sighed, letting his forehead hit the wood with a small _'thump.'_ He closed his eyes and stood there for a minute, before turning to head to the shower.

He turned the knob and waited for it to heat up, hoping to soothe his aching muscles. When it was up to his liking, he steppes in and pulled the door closed.

He got to work letting the hot water run all over his skin before grabbing his soap. Chris must've used it, but he didn't mind. He just hopes he'll have a very good reason for why he smells like Tom's soap when he gets home. He doesn't know if his clothes smell like the beer, but he wasn't about to sniff at them. 

After washing his hair, he stood under the stream and thought back to the events that had occurred today.  

 

* * *

 

After Tom had pulled his own shirt off, he knew there was no going back. When he first kissed Chris back, there was no going back. He just didn't believe it was.

They sat there for 10 minutes making out, hands all over each other, Chris gripping Tom's hips and thrusting his own hips up, letting Tom feel how hard he had gotten. Then Chris moved them to where Tom was now on his back and the Aussie was pulling his pants and underwear off of him.

He felt self conscious when he was now exposed to him, but before he could cover himself, Chris grabbed his wrists and said "Don't you dare." Giving him a serious look before letting his eyes roam all over the Brit's body, saying "You're fucking perfect." Before kissing him again.

Thankfully, the couch was big, and when Chris pulled away from his lips, he took his time to kiss down his body before taking in his cock, making the Brit jump.

Chris used his hands to hold his hips down, looking up at him as he sucked him. Tom writhed and whimpered, trying to get Chris to stop so he wouldn't come too quickly, but Chris didn't care. He sucked him till he came, shooting into the Aussie's mouth. 

Chris swallowed it down and pulled off of the Brit before saying "I'll make you come twice before I leave here." Before moving back up to kiss Tom again. 

Tom kissed back hard, tasting himself while Chris went to get his own pants off. When they pulled away Tom helped him, and groaned. Chris was not a small man by any means. He's heard so many rumors about Chris being big in body but not there, was always so upset by that shit, but they were wrong. 

Chris wasn't too big, he was bigger than average. Not as long as Tom, but thicker. He was perfect. When Chris asked about condoms or lube, he realized they were in his bedroom. He told Chris where to look and was sad when he got up to get them.

But when he came back he tore the packet open, rolled it on himself, and coated his fingers with the lube. It hurt some when Chris prepared him, he hasn't slept with another man in a long time. He didn't think it was anyone's business to know about his sexuality or what he does in his private life, but it had been years since he last slept with another man, he had done it with women since.

But when Chris got that done, it didn't hurt as much, but it would hurt soon enough since he was now coating his condom covered cock, and fitting himself between the Brit's legs.

Chris leaned down and kissed along his inner thigh before moving back up to wrap it around his waist. The Aussie smiled and said "One thing that's always turned me on about you, are these fucking _legs._ " 

Tom smiled and blushed a little and Chris guided himself to Tom's entrance. He looked up at the Brit through his lashes, silently waiting for confirmation, and Tom nodded.

It hurt when he started pushing in. He moved slowly, trying to be as gentle as possible but the stretch burned. It took some time but when Chris was fully sheathed inside him, they both groaned. The Aussie waited and after a couple minutes, Tom nodded and said "Go, I'm alright."

He moved slow at first, but soon he gathered the Brit up in his arms and moved faster and harder, but not at much as the Brit expected him to do. He wanted to take his time, slowing down every so often, going softer to drive him crazy, before going back up.

The flat became filled with their moans, especially when Chris found find his prostate and didn't let off of it until Tom was whimpering, clamping his hand over his mouth so his neighbors wouldn't hear him. 

His cock was stirring again and wanted to touch it or have Chris take care of it, but he wanted to see if he could come again without that. And he did.

Chris kissed him, stealing away the moan Tom gave when he came, coming shortly after him, a tear rolling down Tom's cheek.

 

* * *

 

Two rolled down his cheeks at the memory, and they were washed away by the water. After he turned the shower off, he dried himself off, and went into his bedroom to get dressed. 

Chris was still in the living room when he came back, sitting on a different chair. He was staring at the floor, before looking back at the hand that his wedding ring sat on. 

 _Everything is ruined. He's guilty, he regrets it, he won't come back to you,_ he thought. _He's got a family to think about, his reputation. If anyone found out what you did, they'll hate him, and you. And then, he'll hate you too._ And he was ready for that.

He looked up at Tom and Tom hugged himself he asked "I um...D-Do you need a ride home?" 

Chris shook his head and said "No, I drove here. And I think I'm alright to drive. But thank you." 

The Brit nodded and said "Any time." Smiling a little. 

Chris smiled the same way and stood up. He said "I should go. I'll talk to you later, okay?"

Tom nodded and said "Okay." 

The Aussie came over and wrapped one arm around him, pulling him against him. Tom hugged him and closed his eyes when he kissed the top of his head before pulling back.

Tom looked up at him and Chris leaned down, kissing his lips one last time before grabbing the movie and heading out. As soon as that door closed, he turned the lock and started crying.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chris gets home. 3 weeks later. I missed you.

When Chris got home, Elsa was ready to fight. She asked why he was gone so long, why he smelled like he just took a shower, and he told her. 

"I had a few drinks at Tom's, I passed out, he let me sleep, and I used his shower. Alright?" 

Then she was asking why he didn't answer his phone. He had 10 missed calls, and a dozen texts from her. She was _pissed_. And again, he told her.

"I wasn't gonna do this again today, so I turned my phone off, I didn't see any of these until I left." He left it at that, going over to hi to the kids, and spent some time playing with them and watching some cartoon show.

Then he started thinking back to what happened at Tom's. He felt guilty, for cheating on Elsa. Even if they have been fighting. He loves her, he loves the kids, and he didn't wanna hurt them, but he did. And he thinks he hurt Tom too, because of what happened, and fears he just ruined everything.

He barely ate dinner, and didn't get much sleep that night. He didn't have any new dreams about Tom, just remembering what they did. He feels like a piece of shit for what he did, but it was also the happiest he's been in a while.

With the fighting, working, and trying to be a good dad and take care of his kids, he's been depressed. And what happened back at Tom's was the first time he didn't feel that way, in a long time. And he feels guilty for that too.

He would wake up and when he'd go back to sleep, all he could see, was Tom. Then he would lie awake, trying to think of what's gonna happen next.

 

* * *

 

_**3 Weeks Later** _

 

Chris didn't talk to him after he left. In fact, it's been almost a month since they last spoke to each other, unless they had to. 

They shot scenes together, and the filing was coming to a close. Soon _Ragnarok_ will be out in November, and then _Infinity War_ will come after. 

Tom had a hard time trying to focus and stay Loki while he'd be Loki. It would take forever for him to get into full costume, have makeup and hair get done, and seeing Chris just hurt. When he would catch Tom looking at him, he lingered for a few seconds before lookin away. Or Tom would panic and look away. 

Sometimes he'd look over and see Chris staring at him, and the Aussie would quickly look away once he's been caught. And Tom would hate himself even more.

He spent a lot of time crying. It was a nightmare trying to keep that covered up from the _MUA's_ , and the hair people, somehow dodging tons of _"Are you okay's?"_ And _"What's wrong's?"_

He couldn't sleep, he couldn't eat, couldn't keep anything down, he felt sick. _Dirty_ , is more like it, whoring himself at a married man like a common Jezebel. He felt disgusting. 

 

* * *

 

Chris could see Tom wasn't okay. He looked tired, pale, and just upset. It killed him seeing him this way, the guilt looks like it's eating at him. Surprisingly, it wasn't doing that bad to Chris, which made him feel like total douche.

But Tom, he looked like he was gonna explode or collapse, and Chris needed to grow a pair and talk to him. He shouldn't have let it get this bad for him, he just needed some time to think things through, and he believes he has.

 

* * *

 

When they finally got done for the day, Tom was exhausted. He was happy to let Loki get a chance to recharge and went back to his trailer.

After some time, he finally managed to strip out of his costume, and took a long, warm shower. 

When he was done, he dried off, checked his phone, and saw he had 3 new texts from Chris.

 _**< Can we talk? A** _ _**t your place after we get outta here? >**_

 _**< I'll just tell Elsa we're running late. I** _ _**just wanna see you. >** _

_**< I miss you.>** _

He shouldn't. He should say no, and go right home, and try and sleep for days. But it would just hurt worse if he did. So he sighed and responded.

_**< Yeah, it's okay.>** _

_**< I miss you too.>** _

 

* * *

 

When they finished up, they headed over to Tom's flat and went inside. As soon as the front door closed and the lock was turned, Tom felt strong arms slowly wrap around his waist from behind, and lips kissed along his neck.

He sighed and moved his head to the side, letting Chris have more access. He let his eyes close and knew they were gonna do more then just talking. But after all that time not talking, and being distant with each other, he didn't care. 

Even with how wrong this is, he missed him. He missed him so much, it was killing him. There's no doubt in his mind that he's in love with Chris. Has been since day 1, and hopefully always will be. Even if Chris doesn't love him back, he could live with that.

Chris kissed along his neck, moving his collar to kiss his shoulder, until Tom turned his head back at the Aussie's lips were on his. Tom felt his hands slowly moving all around his waist, moving to his hips, palming his half hard cock through his jeans.

Tom moaned against his mouth and raised his arm up and carefully wrapped it around the back of his neck, keeping him there. Soon they broke away and Chris sighed. He let his head drop until his forehead was resting on his shoulder. He said "I'm sorry....I should've done something sooner, but I had to think...I missed you." 

Tom leaned up and kissed him, saying "I missed you too." Before kissing again. 

Chris kissed him back and Tom pulled back, turning to face him fully. He looked up and asked "What happens now?" 

The Aussie smiled a little and asked "You want the couch again?"

Tom shook his head and said "No..." Then smiled. "Come with me." Before taking his hand and dragging him towards the bedroom. 


End file.
